Even More Reflections

After a couple of weeks break, I am yet again back into the rush of things at work. It has been absolutely fantastic to have a break from the every day mayhem that structures my life, however it is even better to get back to the madness that envelopes my every day. I spent 2 week re-visiting my roots. I spent that time totally freezing (never did like the cold weather of southern states), but boosted by the realisation of where I am at in life. I have spent the last 20 or so years visiting family. For the first time I have found that I had a sense of "visiting" as opposed to "returning home". I adore my siblings, and love the connection I feel with each of them. I, however, now more than ever, feel a sense of competency and belonging in a place far removed from them. I was able to adapt to the personalities of each and every one of them, adapting in behaviour as opposed to attitude. I no longer feel the "little sister" that I have for many years. I believe the events of the last 12 months have been the making of me, in maturity more than anything.

I am back now. The first week back at work proved to be challenging to say the least. I should not expect anything different. A further change of staff. Our office is "dynamic" to say the least. However, the residual attitude that has eventuated is disappointing. The people involved have seen the negative effects to a "sour" attitude at work. We all ask "what have I done, I have done nothing to offend this person". However, we are still on the receiving end of the "sour grapes" of a disgruntled employee. It is management that produces these events, however management rarely feel the negative effects. All in all though, we struggle through. This week provided yet more hair-raising events from the resident schizophrenic, and even provided the addition scare of a crazed gun-man. The gun-man was not in the office, however he was in the building. And subsequent reports had me sitting a nice 2 metres from him without even knowing his disturbed state. I am yet to give my report to the police, and in such an area as we work, I feel that any information I may give will be not so useful. It does bring home to you the reality of your mortality. How different it could have been had he turned the gun on me. While my job is challenging to say the least, I have learnt to have an incredible appreciation for the moment, an appreciation that life can be terminated in a split second. And as such some life decisions have evolved. The current state, combined with recent medical reports, has me in a position of "lets maximise life". Recent family medical investigations has my life expectancy reduced. I have two choices - to cave and spend the remainder of my days "woeing" about my sad lot, or I can maximise every crazed moment I have. I work in an insane industry, where stress should be included in the job description. I have spent a considerable number of years on my own, suposedly being "independent". I have said hello to being a "grandma", and to be honest I think that every minute wasted is a criminal offence.

So from this day onwards I am going to "evict" the negatives from my life. I will continue to view life as an amazing picture show, and I will clap and laugh at every appropriate moment (and even some inappropriate moments). I will say good-bye to the men in my life who don't lust after me, and hope that this will make room for the men who just can't get enough of me. I will let go of my children in an effort to make them self-sufficient and independent, because until I do, they will continue to demand my extra time. I love them dearly, but they need to start "flying on their own". This lady is going to grab life by the balls, and enjoy the ride.